Couples Therapy

Is Distance Growing Between You And Your Partner?

Are you growing more irritable with your partner? As intimacy fades, does it seem like you’re arguing more frequently without any positive resolution? Do you worry that without taking action, you may be headed toward separation or divorce?

Feeling alone in your relationship is the loneliest feeling of all. When the person you’ve grown accustomed to leaning on during stressful times pulls away from you, it can make you feel abandoned and hopeless. Perhaps big life changes—such as a new baby, career change, or relocation—have consumed your energy and you’ve gradually grown apart in the process.

Without physical affection and emotional intimacy, you may find that you’ve grown increasingly impatient with each other. This may lead to more frequent arguments that perhaps have become verbally abusive or, conversely, a lack of communication. If one or both of you are consistently critical of the other, feelings of contempt or a loss of respect may be casting a shadow over your entire relationship.

You Might Be Reeling From Infidelity

If there has been a betrayal—such as a sexual or emotional affair, gambling, or a porn addiction —it has likely pushed you further away from each other. You might feel unheard, unappreciated, and unloved as you struggle to recover from this breach of trust. As the feeling of mutual support between you wanes, you’ve acquiesced to existing as an individual and no longer a team.

Luckily, couples therapy can be an effective way for you and your partner to find your way back to each other. With the help of a trained marriage counselor, you can learn how to improve your communication and express your thoughts and feelings so that each of you feels loved, supported, and appreciated.

Our Culture Perpetuates Unrealistic Ideals About Relationships

The reality of keeping a relationship going in the modern age can be challenging. Couples research highlighted in Psychology Today shows that approximately 33 percent of people find it difficult to maintain their romantic relationships. Moreover, “fading enthusiasm, long work hours, and a lack of personal time and space are the most common problems that prevent people from staying together.” ¹

Unfortunately, our culture has perpetuated the unrealistic notion that romantic relationships fix life’s problems. The depictions of marriage in pop culture have distorted our perception of what a real relationship looks like, leading us to impose unrealistic expectations on our partners. Expecting them to fulfill all of our needs can put a lot of undue pressure on our partners, which leads to conflict.

As Partners, We Face Internal And External Pressures

Because the first model of a relationship we’re exposed to is usually our caregivers, what we learn from them may contribute to the dynamics we repeat later in life. Naturally, if our parents didn’t provide us with a healthy example of how to treat a partner with compassion and respect, we may face more pressure to succeed.

What’s more, the cultural stigmas surrounding non-cis-gendered, non-heterosexual, and non-monogamous couples also puts additional strain on us that can make sustaining a healthy relationship more challenging. Although any relationship between consenting adults should be accepted, outdated norms often cause additional stress.

There is a misconception that couples should be able to fix the problems in their marriage and, if they can’t do it alone, their relationship is doomed. When your relationship is in distress, your instinct may be to turn away from one another rather than toward each other. However, the good news is that couples counseling can help you overcome issues with communication and intimacy with a trained counselor who can guide you to solutions.

Couples Therapy Offers A Supportive Forum To Work On Your Relationship

Similar to keeping our bodies in good shape, maintaining a relationship requires our time and energy to remain healthy. If you have ignored the warning signs your relationship is deteriorating—such as a lack of intimacy or mutual respect—you now face a pile-up of resentments, blame, and hurt. Counseling for couples is a roadmap to course correct the growing distance between you.

Couples therapy provides a safe and confidential place to focus on mending your relationship. Whether by using newly learned skills or by going back to basics, therapy can help couples become better equipped to handle the stressors that affect relationships.

What To Expect In Sessions

Our therapists specialize in marital and couples counseling. Their non-judgmental and unbiased approach will ensure that each of you feels comfortable expressing and sharing your concerns. At the initial session, you will discuss what has brought you to therapy and develop a treatment plan with mutual goals. Although most sessions are attended jointly, you may decide to meet with the therapist individually if needed.

Ongoing sessions will be focused on how to engage in conflict resolution effectively and respectfully. Learning to listen deeply and communicate clearly will help your partner take in what you’re saying so they in turn can respond to your concerns openly. Improving your communication style will help foster closeness and connection so that when the tough times hit, you’re prepared to navigate through them with resilience.

Our solution-oriented therapy style means you will be assigned homework in between sessions that continue to strengthen your relationship, such as spending quality time together or performing writing and communication exercises. You will also learn coping skills and strategies to overcome negativity as well as how to listen and speak to your partner in ways that illicit safety, understanding, and connection. Additionally, we will address issues from childhood or previous relationships that may be roadblocks to good communication.

We often forget that a relationship is only as healthy as the individuals in it—working on your personal growth is key to a long-lasting connection. If there are underlying issues, such as depression, anxiety, or substance abuse, we can assess these problems effectively and guide you towards additional help and safety if necessary.

The Modalities We Use

Our marriage therapists have focused training in the Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). The Gottman Method is a therapy developed specifically for couples to “remove barriers that create a feeling of stagnancy, and create a heightened sense of empathy and understanding.” ² With EFT, you will learn how to not only share information when you communicate with your partner but to also feel safe sharing emotion and vulnerability.

There is always hope that your relationship can grow and flourish. With a commitment to improving your connection and a therapist to guide you, therapy can be one of the most rewarding experiences of a couples’ journey together.

But You May Wonder Whether Couples Therapy Is Right For You…

I’m afraid if we go to marriage counseling, I’ll be blamed for all of our problems.

Having the right fit with a couples therapist is important. It is their job to be non-biased and ensure no one person is blamed for all that is wrong. However, couples therapy is at its most valuable when each partner acknowledges how they are contributing to problems in the marriage and is willing to work toward mutually beneficial solutions.

It's probably too late for us to change—we’ve been this way for so long.

The prospect of taking a step back to objectively examine your relationship can be scary. However, it’s never too late to make changes that can significantly impact how you relate to each other. In marriage therapy, your counselor will ensure you have a safe place to share your concerns with your partner. They will coach you in your communication so that what you say will land in a way that is productive rather than divisive.

Learning how to better express thoughts and feelings to each other will create a sense of empowerment in both of you, as well as build trust and intimacy.

Couples counseling will be too time-consuming.

It’s easy in the busyness of life to tell yourself couples counseling will take too much time and to hold off repairing your relationship until later. However, this avoidance tactic leads to a buildup of negative emotions and distance. Naturally, if you opt to do nothing about repairing your relationship then nothing will change.

Your values are reflected in your priorities in life—if you make your relationship a priority and invest the time it deserves, your communication and intimacy will surely improve.

It's Never Too Late To Mend Your Relationship

Deciding to work on bridging the divide that has grown between you can herald a new chapter in your relationship. For more information about couples therapy, please call our office at 760-942-8663 to speak to our intake coordinator or visit our contact us page.